today is such a pissy day for me. i mean to get so pissed till you scream at the top of your lungs along the road a few metres outside school to your friends? i feel like slapping myself.
anyway. im so tierd i can hardly keep on my feet. since its nearly the end of the week i guess thats normal.im so awfully tierd. i need some serious coffee. or something. i miss the holidays already. eventhough it was one stupid moronic idiotic totally heart wrenching god damn holiday.

btw. when you trust youre putting yourself at risk of being betrayed and heartbroken. thats why trust is so important and IS TO BE TREASURED. trust. please dont betray my trust and i wont kill you. ive got so much to say but i want to live more.

and since i promised emelia not to blog till there was something happy to blog about,ill blog happy stuff(: im sitting with hsuli! and i havent got hit by a soccer ball, havent got slapped, havent got betrayed, havent got hit by a flying anything yet. so i guess thats good too. oh and i learnt quite alot of new emotions. like being so extremely pissed you could rip out throats. or being so extremely sad youd tear from just sitting down by yourself to rest. so its been meaningful i guess. learning stuff. oh and theres a surprise coming up(: but if it were to happen to me id swear and throw everyone out of the house(:

;je'taime

the second day of school was worse than the first. if it can get any worse. i know i have to do something but i cant remember what it is. great. i feel like screaming at you. this silence is suffocating me. my mind says something but my heart says another and its exactly this type of conflict that dirves people crazy. insane. mentally unsound.
okay anyway on a completely different note. i want to sit at hsu's current seat but i cant cos shes still sitting there. damn. i could have a corner all to myself but noooo. i cant. cos lifes like that. okay ive remembered what im supposed to do.

;je'taime

first day of school was a disaster. the volcano erupted right on schedule and the whining started right on schedule and so did the nagging. do i have to even talk about the hours i spent staring out of the pathetic back door? i got a memento today from my bag. forgot all about it, and i have to find it on the first pathetic day of term 3. so fast foward to a whole day of staring out of the backdoor and wondering if youre experiencing the same weather. whether youre stealing glances at sweetheart. okay. thats it. im losing it. bye

;je'taime

YAY. I FINSIHED THE SKIN. THANK GOD. i made the picture and edited the layout. it took me the whole afternoon. ohwell. i thought that since school is reopening i might as well take the chance to do something major to my blog. so TADA. there were so many errors. thats why it took so long.

schools reopening tomorrow. i feel like someone died. im in moruning. i dont want to go to school la. its such a pain and i do not want to step out of my house. its a dangerous world. really. school sucks. i have to wake up at ungodly hours and get those ugly panda eyes. yay school. sheesh.

;je'taime

i found a disney song ive never heard of(: its from HERCULES. like omg. when was the last time i even remembered about hercules. but the song is cute i guess. but there is NO relation to my life whatsoever. NO RELATION. get me? NOPE. NONE. NIL. N.A. ZERO. i guess you get it. and the song im infatuated with is 'i wont say im in love' I KNOW I KNOW. for my life right now. it is so ironic. and worng. to say the least. but its a cute song and life goes on. i got the lyrics right here(:

If there's a prize for rotten judgement,
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the agrivation
That's ancient history,
Been there
Done that
Who'd ya think you're kidding?
He's the earth and heaven to ya
Try to keep it hidden,
honey we can see right through ya
Girl ya can't conceal it
We know how you're feelin',
who you're thinking of
No chance, no way,
I won't say it,
no no
You swoon, you sigh
Why deny it, uh oh
It's too...cliche
I won't say I'm in love
(Oooooh ooooh oooh)
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when ya start out
My head is screaming
"get a grip, girl!""
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!"
Ooooh oooh
You keep on denying
Who you are and how you're feelin'
Baby, we're not lying, hone we saw ya
Hit the cieling
Face it like a grown up
When ya gonna own up that
ya got, got, got it back?
Woah
No chance, no way,
I won't say it, no no
Give up, give in
Check the grin, you're in love!
Your doing flips
read our lips your in love
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
No chance, no way,
I won't say it, no no
Give up, give in
Check the grin,
you're in love!
The scene wont play
I won't say I'm in love
Your doing flips
read our lips your in love
You're way off base
I won't say it
Girl, don't be proud, it's ok, you're in love
No chance, no way,
I won't say it, no no
Give up, give in
Check the grin, you're in love!
The scene wont play
I won't say I'm in love
Your doing flips read our lips
your in love
You're way off base
I won't say it
Girl, don't be proud,
it's ok, you're in love
No chance, no way,
I won't say it, no no
Give up, give in
Check the grin, you're in love!
The scene wont play
I wont say I'm in love
Ooooooh
At least out loud
I won't say
I'm in....love

and the video(: im bored okay. give a girl a break.



ive got to watch hercules. oh wait. life just rewinded. lets see what he/she/it has got for me.

STOP MESSING WITH ME. OH DEAR GOD. I THOUGHT I WANTED AN ENDING BUT I DONT. I REALLY DONT.OHMYGODOHMYGOD. I DO NOT CARE IF I SOUND LIKE A BIMBO. IM NOT THNKING ANYMORE. OH DEAR GOD. WHY THE HELL DID I GET MYSELF INTO SUCH TROUBLE. if i could go back to being eleven again, ill definitely be more mature and NOT do things the way i had. especially looking around. oh god. the thought of it is enough to kill.

;je'taime

went out with deniisha and bee leng today(: i feel like watching these type of movies suddenly.

ohwell. especially the prince and me. i want to watch it so bad. im so wierd. all of a sudden i have this strange urges. blame it on boredom.

;je'taime

i got the pictures when i went to rasi's house. finally. the pictures took FOREVER to load.
im in love with disney now. its called reminiscing. did i spell it right. oh whatever. disney songs are sweet. and i better listen to them now before i outgrow them. itll be such a pity. i want a marie watch. do they even have them? this sucks.


random picture of rukku. she was just doing that action. so i took. so drama diva. lol.


ask rasi to take pictures of the scenery and his is what you get.


the three of us. rasi loves to put the camera so high.


this is random


i dont know if this is random but i took it(:


rukku is shocked.


somewhere beyond the sea somewhere waiting for me(:


er. 2 of them?


o romeo romeo! wherefore art thou romeo! lol.


would be ballerina.


they melt in the sun you see. omg. vampire dream.


(:


i had no idea they took this. seriously.


5 years!


i like the beach.


rukku..


rasi..


me(:


rukku wrote this herself. feel free to guess who '???' stands for.


it was a nice view okay.


this is such a wierd picture.


shes comforting me(:


3 of us. again.


shes scared of me(:


windddd


this was so nonsense i pretended not to know them


random. rasi took it.


wannabe handphone model(:


rasi took this without me knowing and i think its wierd.





rasi said she likes this picture. do not ask me why.

remember when i said i was a great actress? better watch out for my best performance yet.

;je'taime

i dreamt of vampires last night. my god. i was so deeply asleep i couldnt even wake up. vampires. yuck.

what else is there to say. im dehydrated already. dont say things you so obviously dont mean. or dont want. or dont need. oh whatever. its alot and too much. oh shit i miss you

im working on a top secret project(: i feel so primary school. top secret. haha. really top secret. maybe ill show it to someone when im done(: maaaaybe.

rasi's pictures are taking a really long time to download. im going to school tomorrow. geog project is totally useless. if not for my ca points i wont even be torturing myself like this. i miss divya already. wonder how saturday will come along. im going to treasure whatever is left of this pathetic holiday. i wasted too much already.

;je'taime

im trying so god damn hard i think ill die.

anyway, went to white sands with divya today. i swear today will be the last time i ever step in there again. i have been spending waaaaaay to much time in that small excuse of a shopping mall. but today was so fun! haha. finally got to talk to divya so ya. thats why the wounds opened up again and thats the reason for the very first sentence of this post.

so anyway, we were just meeting for lunch but it got into a shopping trip and library visit type of thingey. throw in a swing and a walk home and lots of uh. talking(: and youve got the perfect remedy for a broken heart(: oh yes, not forgetting the ever important best friend(: and if the lunch is high in salt, fats and sugar, youll be extremely contented. even if only for a while. i love the swing. ive decided. if i ever go to white sands again. i will walk home and stop by that swing. every god damn time(: its great excercise anyway. thank you divya(: honestly, nobody has really bothered to talk to me that seriously yet. even if it was only for 10 mintues. i hope it will get better. anyway. i have to learn to stop asking so much right.

i should have NEVER went into that stupid page and got my heart all torn up all over again. ive kept all the pictures that used to litter my table all faced down, ive tried my best to forget, ive done everything to keep those stupid memories as far away as possible. but NOOOO. i just had to sastify my curiousity and look. well at least something good came out of it. i hope you suffer the same fate as your little friends back then. im mean. fine. who the hell can still be nice after what ive gone through? if you can then you can go be the next santa clause for all i care. ive been nice so much already. ive never noticed how much ive given. not till now at least. ha. whats the use. nothings going to bring them back anyway.

;je'taime

went to rasi's house yesterday. had lots of fun there(: haha. it was successful distraction anyway. went to the beach and took pictures.. but i cant post any cos SOMEONE couldnt zip any file! anyway. rasi you better send asap.

i lost one whole night of sleep. and woke up at 730 that morning. and the next night. i feel asleep near dawn but had to wake up. sleep is a headache inducing chore.

went to my aunts place for my nephews birthday. he is a bias little 3 year old guy. GUY. that basically explains everything. he refused to play with me and my cousin and my sister but ran into the room with my other cousins which were all guys and happily started playing his little balloon.he starts abusing all of us with his extremely shrap hard toys but is so nice towards every other GUY. what the hell is the world coming to. i should have really bought that romeo and juliet story book for him. it was for like young readers. since when do they have SHAKESPEAR stories in mini size? anyway. the point is. if i bought that, it would be early exposure to love and from what i know, the guys really need the exposure. its like educational! see. im smart too(: im helping the world.

youve broken your record. its really for real this time isnt it. well you know what. IM for real this time too. i dont hate you. i dont think i ever could. but ive made a small little step. ive realised i can sleep without first thinking of you.

;je'taime

you all miss your stuff. thats great for you cos for me. oh no. cos this particular little girl has did nothing to miss in the first place.

i think im starting to figure it out on my own. i think i know the reason behind your silence. behind your lies. and you know what. so be it. SO. BE. IT. eventhough ill miss you like hell, i know there is no other way. since you dont know who i am i think ill just tell everyone here.
I AM AMANDA. eventhough i dont know for sure, my friends say im a nice, caring, understanding, comforting person. i myself know that i dont betray my friends and when im not happy i show it. i try my best not to torture my friends with my endless complaints but if they do happen i apologise immediately after that. i feel that im a good enough person for the world and am NOT a bitch slut or whore. i hope nobody has this thinking but if they do then im sorry that my whole being is so unattractive to them. i hope that enlightens.
my heart isnt back from its trip to god knows where yet. so ill tell if i hate another time. in the meantime all i can say is, i finally know i have to forget about you and all my memories, it pains me so much to do it. my blood feels all clogged up and i dont think i can think very much longer after this post, but i know i have to. its for MY own good. and you know freaking WHAT. i think its high time i thought for MYSELF instead of you all bloody 24 hours of the freaking day.

if that paragraph confused you then its not for your viewing pleasure. i feel like a trampled on 1001 times piece of worn out meat. give me a break. its finally over.

;je'taime

if i remember correctly, betrayal tastes like blood. revenge tastes like willy wonka chocolate and tears taste salty. but i dont know what love tastes like. can anyone tell me?

;je'taime

集中所有力气
听你看你
等那个讯息
你欠我的讯息
你欠答案的
那个问题
do you love me?
do you love me?
do you love me?
你没问我
我能回应什么
用眼神说
我怕我会听错
要不要继续互相折磨
你看我
我看着你寂寞
手已经围好城堡
心也已经备好浪潮
快完成等待完成的拥抱
别说你还没有感觉到
我所给你的微笑
不只微笑
love you love you yes i love you
你听见了吗
这是我第一千遍第一万遍心里的回答
那身边的人经过的人我都不牵挂
我只去
你想要去的天涯
love you love you yes i love you
你还没听见吗
能不能请你放下放下
那愚蠢的挣扎
我害怕爱情就像
盛开的花
一错过
眼泪也没有办法
像是一场
多么令人疲倦的游戏
只剩下最后一步
却举棋不定
我早就输了
你却不相信你会赢
看你一直苦笑叹息
我想帮忙
我好着急
爱情爱情
真伤感情
两个人
僵在这里
两颗心
悬再那里
时间时间
就快要没有时间
我们越来越像朋友而已

you obivously dont love me
WTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i cant stand it anymore. no more. im am SO UTTERLY BORED. I HAVENT GONE OUT THE WHOLE OF LAST WEEK I HAVENT PROPERLY SMILED THE WHOLE OF LAST WEEK I HAVENT PROPERLY FELT PROPER THE WHOLE OF GOD DAMNED LAST WEEK. SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING.
i will die if i do not talk to someone soon. seriously. im left here wondering where the hell all my friends have eloped to. im here all alone thinking why the hell didnt i just kill myself when i had the chance to. im here wondering why im such a good girl eventhough i am NOT getting anything back in return. im STILL wondering when the hell you will stop playing your silly little games and love me.
okay. forget it. ill FIND something to entertain me since NOBODY IN THE GOD DAMN WIDE UNIVERSE cares. i pour out my anger to someone and all i get is a oh okay. you know what i have had enough of feelings. im going to inject anesthetics into my brain so its all numb and i cant feel a thing. i dont know why i feel so betrayed. im not even related to you in the first place. you have every right to do as you please but it doesnt FEEL right. you might be off frolicking in the meadows of Happy Land but have you ever spared a thought for me and the blind trail youve led me on. i expected something. and as the saying goes. the higher the hopes the greater the fall. or something like that.

now if youll excuse me i need to go and cry my heart out.

memories hurt but not having them is sheer torture

;je'taime

emelia darling is in bangkok. i miss her.
im bored to death. really i am.
dont just use me as a sleeping pill. it hurts.

;je'taime

LOL. sh. im a brave girl to put this song up.
went out with jasmine to bugis today. whalao. im not a whore okay. i only bought a necklace, but got a nice lunch. haha. no shopping but i got a perfect lunch(:

;je'taime

happy belated birthday ranjanni! i love you! youre 14 now so stop being so stubborn! haha!
i really dont feel like posting anything more. bye.

;je'taime