this is like a really tiring holiday week. and i havent even started on like homework.

anywayyy.

okay. im going out with emelia to town tomorrow(: and then on friday im meeting deniisha(: i cant wait. hahaha. but honestly deniisha. no movies that make you cry. im all dried up here. and ranjanni cant stand me anymore. she says im a bimbo. and i am not. im just really really really happy. yes. im happy. no i am not sad. am happy. happy. i hope ill come home with more pictures tomorrow. i really need those. hahaa. and maybe ill make a new blogskin using that paris picture but something.. er. larger. yaaa. haha.

;je'taime

im only posting 5 pictures cause i look like crap in all the others.

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL.

in the computer lab(: emelia! i'll miss you!


NEXT DAY AT SWENSENS(:

copied(: HAHA.


chicken baked rice(:


emelia said the baked rice was not worth it but her plate was reaaaaaaally clean. so she is a pig(:


ice cream. chocolate. heaven(:

i have so much to say but i cant.

;je'taime

is it possible for someone to change in less than 24 hours? sounds impossible but dont underestimate the people of i-live-to-hurt-injure-and-annoy-people world. one minute theyre perfectly sweet and nice and you feel so lucky and overwhemled with love and the next you get the shock of your life at all the changes in the attitude, words and you start to wonder what on earth is love anyway. cos it sure as hell isnt a feeling that goes away in less than 24 hours. have i mentioned that? LESS THAN 24 HOURS. and the best part? i didnt DO anything! its just a perfectly normal day with perfectly normal things happening and suddenly i get attitude the size of china! if asking a reasonable question has suddenly become a crime then tell me! i would gladly stop asking questions. none of the answers are good news anyway. just dont give me so much attitude!

anyway

went to the library with divya today(: like who knew divya actually goes to libraries? well her mum forced her to but we'll just ignore that and pretend divya actually wanted to go to the library(: so i think i need to go to a bigger library and me and divya are planning on going to eat breakfast at white sands and go to the library early so we can get nicer books and i am still in shock that divya actually goes to the library. but it was fun(: this holiday doesnt seem so bad now. even if there are people with like super annoying abilities, i still have my friends(:

;je'taime

went for tea drinking excursion or something with class today. and had my fill of tea for the whole year. and i also got pissed off at 11 am. there has got to be a better way to start the morning. then went to swensens with emelia and kind of banged the table and caused a whole lot of noise there(: and emelia owes me the pictures which we took(: original and unoriginal ones(:

being bored is a mood threatening hazard. because bored= go random blogs= get random murderous thoughts+get really really sad.
because i feel like im missing out on something when i didnt choose. i feel like im missing something so important and it hurts so so much. because i had a choice. and apparently i chose wrongly and let it go. and i hate not knowing if things concern me. and then i dont know if it really concerns me and so i go get so confused. oh god. i dont even understand myself. this is bad. basically i just feel annoyed and angry and sad. HEY ASS. Annoyed Angry Sad! omg. this is so lame but a totally funny coincidence.
and. i just want to do something! i cant just sit here and watch you waste your life away because you can do it dammit. youre just a coward afraid of rejection and failing but honestly! get a grip! it hurts so much to see you like this. and if you want to know, its much better now. i dont have flash backs and urges to cry so frequently throughout the day anymore. but i have a feeling its just lying dormant. it has been quite long after all. so yaa. i just have to learn dont i? ha. bye.

pictures another day(: and so sorry to bore you guys with silly illogical blog posts. just really really bored(:

;je'taime

HAHA. i didnt know the internet was so entertaining. hahaha. omg.

but. of course. even without school, people still manage to spoil my day. i swear the hairdresser has something against me. pull my hair so hard and cut wrongly too. god. and did i do something wrong. if not then do not throw tantrums at me then expect me to just have a stupid polite conversation with you. and empty promises again? go get a life. if you cant do it or WONT do it then dont say you will. its a total waste of my time and your time. and i dont know about you but id rather not waste my time on idiots who dont know how to keep a promise.

and i found my old wallet. stupid thing was stuck behind a drawer and i dont even know how it got there.

;je'taime

ohmygod. i never thought i would live to see today. its the last day of school. i would really want to be unfeeling and all 'i love leaving' but i cant. haha. i thought i could but emelia darling and her silly tears and everybody's goodbyes like its the end of the world made me realise its really the end of these two years. so its impossible to not feel anything. even if my past expeiences of having feelings are not good. at all. just look at me! im a freaking emotional wreck. all thanks to you. bastard. well anyway thats not the point. i guess i will miss somethings(: it has been kind of fun in a so stupid its funny way. and for almost every person i have an impression(: not necessarily good but hey. at least i notice them okay. but its been a really weird ride these two years. i never know what to expect i guess. dont know if thats a good thing or not but ill miss it sometimes i guess. i still remember saying how much i hate this class. but when the fact starts to sink in that im never going to have the same experience again, well, i just feel like i will miss it sometimes. so byeeee 2A.

and i feel so stuck now. like its the holidays and i have no idea what to do.

;je'taime

shit. tomorrow is death day. I NEED MY PURE LIT DAMMIT. purelitpurelitpurelit): what am i going to do without pure lit? oh dear god, i really really need my pure lit.

im so so so dead.

;je'taime

OH. did i mention the world is postively crawling with hypocrites? and it seems that most of them are based in singapore. in the east. near me. in my life. so yes. hey hypocrites. totally love you guys. not. i shall learn from you guys and be totally two faced around your kind. havent you heard of fighting fire with fire? hope you get as hurt as me. it would be a pleasure watching you hurt. im serious.

;je'taime

can everyone just stop saying love! i mean what is up with everyone nowadays. its not even valentines day for gods sake. whats next? paper hearts floating all around with love delcarations? i swear i would puke out all my lunches ive ever had in my whole pathetic 14 years of life. whats love anyway. i wish i knew. these days. its a sterotype. cute guy + roses + cards + chocolates=love. ha. if it were that simple i would be married by now. i want to know what really goes on behind the scenes when two people actually fall in love. you know those type where people actaully enjoy growing old together and never for once regret their decision to marrying and when they go out, people just know that they are in love. its like they have a particular air about them. something that makes you hate them yet envy them. at the same time! but i guess im too young to actually try to understand love. so ya.

anyway.

I NEED MY PURE LITERATURE.

and ive got alot to say. but i shall not bore you with my totally unrelated topics(: actually i got alot of bitching i want to say but that is not the point(: i guess im just really disappointed that youve decided to just throw away this life. theres so much you can do. i know.

see. told you i have totally no links in my topics(: just forgive this totally silly stupid girl again(:

;je'taime

i have to go out tomorrow. i really just want to stay at home and sulk. but since i have 'duties' to do, i have no choice.

and please do not do stuff just because you 'want me to be happy' like oh wth. youre just pitying me. and i know i am pathetic but you do not have to rub it in my face. makes me feel like a damn spoilt rich brat who wants everything. and i am not that. so do not think that youre being nice. because this is far from nice damn it. its just plain mean. i guess i would have appreciated it if this were long ago. but now, i just feel resigned. i really believe this is it. that i can finally let go. im not being dramatic or whatever. its just the truth. so i guess everyone is happy now. im finally listening to all your advices. ha. not like i have a choice is it. i just wish there was a chance to just clear everything. it would help my heart which is still in denial. but im not. nope. not me. im totally in control now. im totally washing my hands of this thing which i have foolishly dragged on for no reason whatsoever. it seems fitting that the last conversation was about not being emotional. well. guess im a fast learner. i wont feel a thing. i promise. no emotions. at all.

writing is really satisfying(: i hope deniisha hurries and finishes her part.

i.will.not.cry.

;je'taime

im worried i cant get my combination because there might not even BE THAT DAMN COMBINATION. great. just freaking great. whats the point then. okay i will not worry or freak out or go hysterical.

oh who the hell am i kidding.

ANYWAY. they should have signs like WARNING: I CAUSE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE IN LITERALLY SECONDS for people to hang around their necks. they really should have warnings like these instead of caution. wet floor. like DUH its wet. i can see and even smell that. and whats the point anyway. the toilet floors are ALWAYS wet. so ya. warnings like THOSE might be more useful.

i am very confused. and annoyed. i think this might just be a permanent feeling. so do i give up now?

;je'taime

okay. this totally sucks. what if i cant get into lit. i mean who ever heard of 20 students only! im so so afraid. but i dont think i can do much about it now. except pray. so ya. enough about that.

laughing at people is wrong. bragging is wrong when you do it over the top. being totally bitchy is wrong. so basically if you are all of the above, you are wrong. either something happened to your brain or you lost all sense of sensitivity. like why oh why would people actually do that? why do they love making people lose hope, why do they enjoy making people feel bad, why do they want people to be worse so they can be better? is it that fun to bring people down? even if they dont realise it now, they most probably would next time. and hopefully its not too late. waking up one day to realise you have no friends you can actually talk to without any inhibitions, who you can let your gaurd down with, whom you can empty their refrigerators without feeling bad, is scary. now, if you have all the power in the world and can control the damn weather will you be hapy with that? having nobody to share with to laugh with to LIVE with is pathetic. humans are social creatures. youll die a lonely grumpy old lady or man without friends and family. so what if you have so much money or stuff, i know this sounds cliched but its true. and the reason why its cliched is cause people are too money minded and power minded. so we NEED cliches now. do people really enjoy torturing other humans? we're all the same. we all want to feel good. and want to be respected. what entitles you people to laugh at others and look down on them? and really. what if one day they all gang up on you and you find yourself hated universally? dont you think it would be a little too late to ask for forgiveness and realize your meaness?

and now a post from someone who needs to vent lots of anger.
number 1.
what the hell do you think you are doing? its so damn insensitive of you to do that la.do you care for other people's feelings? NO. what do you care about more than yourself? NOTHING! i'm totally pissed today la. you're out to make others feel so bad okay. you don't think before you say or whatsoever. maybe sometimes you should reflect. and what's with the thing i heard today? what the hell like HI I'M RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. sheesh. argh. you're so selfish sometimes. im annoyed and very disturbed.
number 2.
hey. what do you treat me as la? your stupid spare friend. happy come and talk to me not happy go away. you don't know how much you have annoyed me ever since i've started being your close friend. i'm trying my best not to make you angry right. what do you do? get oh so sensitive and flare up at me at the slightest shit. well all i can say is that you don't know me well neither do i know you well. so therefore, DO NOT PUT WORDS INTO MY MOUTH AS YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE PEOPLE TO DO THAT. and you find all faults with me you know. even the simplest thing like telling you, im busy now sorry. what do you do? ignore me for days for no reason. what exactly did i do wrong?! i don't know why you treat me like this all the time. so, now i'm totally sick of you.in fact, i have a phobia of you! hurray.
-dont bother knowing who i am, it doesn't matter.


so i guess this is it. well its been nice i guess. well actually it hasnt been. but ya. bye.

;je'taime

hais. tomorrow is shit. tomorrow was shit. tomorrow will be shit. tomorrow has been shit. tomorrow is going to be shit. okay wth. ive used every tense i know and tomorrow is STILL shit. today wasnt so bad i guess. well it was only two papers. so how bad could it have been. and emelia is getting her double science:D see. told ya. should have bet like my one way ticket to paris(: she can do anything. haha.
i just realised so many people changed. for better and worse. well i dont expect anything else. its been a long time anyway. and its kinda nice to see people maturing and know youre there to witness it. its a rare occurence i assure you(: but. i feel sad): its like that feeling you get that nothing will be the same and someday youll probably drift apart and forget. and then theres the feeling that youve already drifted apart and you just think about the memories so wistfully. and then you suddenly wake up from your daydreaming and you think, is she even thinking about me? why am i thinking about these. its been so long anyway. too long even. so ya. memories are really painful. but some just refuse to go away. and thats probably for the best. sometimes losing them are even harder than keeping them(: so dont ever hate your memories. they are a part of you and will always be. they hurt sure. but what doesnt?

okay. emo post over(:

;je'taime

shit shit shit. its exam papers tomorrow. shit. shit. shit.
anyway. at least i went shopping yesterday. went with deniisha and im happy. or was anyway.







apparently deniisha is hooked on sepia. well whatever, i like my new bracelet(: and shopping with deniisha is so so fun. haha. been a really long long time since we went out. and its been even longer since primary 1, its kinda impossible to believe its been so long. i bet few people can actually they have 8 years of friendship. i love you deniisha(: growing up has been much easier with you around.
and after that met jamsine in tm. and next time. remind me NOT to be nice and NOT to think that THOSE THINGS actually have a sense of TIME. i knew it would be a bad idea and i still went. WHY. cos i wanted to be NICE. so the next time i am just going to say no. why? cos its a damn bad idea and i will not torture myself just to be nice.

oh i adore my new blogskin(: its PARIS. and watching drama serials make me want everything i cant possible have. and honestly. nothing is helping.

oh and people i TRIED. keyword here is tried.

shit. its half a day more till tomorrow. death day. i think ill die from the stress. i really really need my amaths. and double. hais. shit. if i dont update its cos ive died.

;je'taime

i just realised my friends know me very very well. its scaring me. i always thought i was really good at hiding my feelings. but apparently not. so now im practically an open book to anybody who knows me well enough. who didnt anybody tell me they know exactly what im thinking? instead of letting me think nobody knows my feelings at all. but im happy now i guess. at least i know my friends understand me well(:

and theres aboslutely nothing to say about this house. its not home.

and im so so pathetic im driving everybody nuts. how totally stupid. patheticpatheticpathetic.
all of you say that. i know i should do that. but i CANT do that. i just cant. i mean like hello! im afraid of the dark. what makes you guys think i can actually do that? im so so so dead. i feel so shitty. ha. happiness is always short lived. but even if you told me that again and again i dont think i would learn my lesson.

so how do i go about doing that?
hey darling i still got lots to say. how about you start again and we can go back to old times

;je'taime

WTHWTHWTHWTHWTH. YOU DO NOT BRAG ABOUT RESULTS OKAY. THAT IS JUST GOD DAMN RUDE AND DISGUSTING AND LOWLY AND DESPEATE AND IDIOTIC AND UTTERLY INSENSTIVE. IN FACT YOU DO.NOT.BRAG. HOPEFULLY IF YOU DO YOUR MOUTH JUST GLUES SHUT AND YOULL NEVER SPEAK AGAIN. TURST ME. IT WOULD DEFINTELY HELP MANKIND.
okay. now that ive said that i feel much much better. ive been wanting to say that since oh i dont know 12 years old? i dont care if i sound like a bimbo right now. people like that just make me so so angry. i could go on for hours about it. and it has not been a good weekend at all. i feel like a damn water barrel. and my butt hurts. thanks alot divya. i want to talk to emelia): and i really want to throw something.
and have i mentioned i need to go shopping? i absolutely have to.
ive got so much to tell you. and ask too. but im just so afraid. maybe cause it matters too much. i mean what do i know. im just a stupid brainless girl whos been following blindly and willingly getting hurt in the process. but the funny thing is. im only like this with you. could you tell me whats happening? please?
oh and if i love you, is it any of your business?


its a really nice song(:

;je'taime

yay.exams are over. now all i have to do is wait for my results. wth. terrified doesnt even begin to describe my feelings.
im reaaaaaaaaally pissed too. i cant stand not knowing what to do. and wishing i could do that but knowing i cant. and just not knowing. i aboslutely hate that feeling. emelia says i have to ask. but i obviously can't. its just so impossible. i need to place to hide and cry all day. and no. girls do not LIKE to cry. its not a hobby. its just more natural to girls.why do you have to make me cry and feel so utterly lost.and still make me want you back?and i dont even mind!

;je'taime