my cheeks hurt so so much. im scared to look in the mirror.
eyebags+tearstains+worrylines=crappy shit.
oh wth. not like anybody actually notices how i look anyway.

soooo. today was a watse of time. as usual. got really pissed. but i got the job done. and thats all that matters. it doesnt matter you guys are hypocrites and it also doesnt matter that people around me discriminate without even knowing it. it doesnt matter that i cant tell anyone what i really feel cause you arent here anymore.it doesnt matter that i look like crap and it also doesnt matter that nothing matters anymore. i wish i was stronger. really. you have no idea how much strength it takes just to do this. just to hold everything together to continue this. and im only doing this for myself. cause guess what. i know i can do it and nothing is going to stop me. help is greatly apprecaited. but if you just want to compete with me or discriminate or be a total bitch remember that nothing is going to stop me. nothing.

;je'taime

okay. wth. life sucks and it will not get any better. ill just like paste a smile on my face and go aorund greeting people eventhough i really just want to bawl cos i treasure the memories too much to spoil them with my tears(: i rememeber so so much and its just all coming back in biggg waves. it makes my heart ache and my throat go tight. i guess id always love you guys(:
and thank you jaee(: and sylvia. god knows youve tried and we all know too. so well just keep moving on cos thats what lifes about. moving on(:

;je'taime

this is just such a sad world. im stressed out. and im stupid and dumb. all i want is for things to not change. i want to be happy and unsick. okay. thats all i ask. treat me well.

;je'taime

i feel overworked. no i dont FEEL overworked, i AM overworked. im overheating. this brain is not gifted okay. im a normal person like everyone else. including you. so unless youre like un human or something then maybe you should spare a thought for me? you know. a minute? 3o seconds? 10? if you want to leave me without any help at all i sincerely hope you end up in hell. so what now? I cant have mood swings? I cant be angry? I cant be hurt? I cant be cared for? and why? cos you want all the rights to yourselves? cos im not human too? oh god. go get lasik or something cos in case you havent noticed i AM human. you know, flesh and blood?

and i just realised so many birthdays are coming up:/ and its just not the same i guess. it was too long a break and now weve both forgotten what its like to talk to each other.

;je'taime

my table switching 'mission' was really unsuccessful): but whatever. i just need a blueprint and really cool plans next time(:

i feel sick. im going to die soon): i got like chest pains and divya says i got a hole in my heart. oh well. anyway. i want all my money to go to tino. and all my schoolwork to be shredded. and i want you to know i still like you and im so terribly sorry.
and i want to watch hairspray! :D

;je'taime

twice a day the same question is asked. am i really that obvious. okay anyway.
my brain hurts. doing maths for a prolonged period of time makes people go mad. im so scared for the test tomorrow. even if i get full marks for it which is impossible ill only get 59. and the final term paper is not going to be easy. what if i can get 60%. my life will be ruined. ill kill myself. there wont be a point in doing this anymore anyway. working hard is not enough. i have to work till i go mad before anything good is seen. and what do i get? god. black faces everyday and more work with nobody freaking willing to help me in class. cos why? this class students only care about THEMSELVES you see. if someone cant do it oh all the better. as long as their better than the idiots and thats all that matters. cos you see. their the only ones in the world and others absolutely dont matter. theyve got a heart of stone and even if you beg them they will not help you. cos helping you will lead to the end of the world. oh not THE world. THEIR world.
okay. im exhausted. life sucks and so do you guys.

;je'taime

okay. i got maths help. but its all too late. please dont think youre the only one capable of tears and anger. in fact your tantrums are nothing compared to mine. you do not walk away without scars if you seriously piss me off.
i got a new phrase too(: youre as irregular as my lunches. which is saying alot. i need to talk to someone. and youre not here anymore. but i cant bear to share that feeling with someone else. i got so much so much to say but i feel like its all clogged up. im going to get like high blood pressure like that. i want to be comforted. to be hugged. held. just want to know someone cares and is with me. and i know exactly who i want. but its impossible. which makes the pain just worse. and if anybody vents their mood swings on me again i swear i will scream. ive got enough for one week okay. what is up with the people.
im doubtful of who to trust.

;je'taime

oops. i just tore a page from a library book:/
its like singing day today(: hsu was singing and singing and signing. totally off key and crappy.very entertaining. i couldnt stop laughing. i think i might actually miss 2a next year. oh well. i want to sit next to hsu li forever:D and when we went home today it was so wasted cos we didnt buy anything at all in the end. so walking around so much was just a waste of time and made my headache worse): dnt and it totally suck. stupid dnt. if my design cant work dont you think you should have told me BEFORE i actually did it? stupid brainless dnt. and it. whats the point of making us sit there for an hour when we dont have any freaking idea on how to use the damn software. so we sit there drawing like a bunch of kindergarden kids? oh wow. just getting people really irritated. not helping at all. id rather do maths than sit there in front of the computer doing nothing. im just destroying my eyesight.
im going to go swimmm(:cos im fat and i like to swim.i want to scream yes and hit you. but i have to be civillised about it all and talk like a polite girl with manners.which makes me want to hit you even more

;je'taime

wthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. i need maths help. badly. shitttt.
omg go get someone else to be your sponge why dont you. then fine. dont blame me if i start ignoring you. you dont seem to notice me very much anyway.
i should never ever doodle on my books ever again. my history textbook is like a freaking diary reminding me of stuff which i do not want to remember. wth.
i love you(: that was so random.

;je'taime

im really really bored.and i desperately need a distraction before i become a puddle of tears.sooo
a random quiz from deniishas blog(:

RULES:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. Put the last title of the song as the subject.
4. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!!!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY", YOU SAY ?
i just cant live a lie-carrie underwood ha! so if you ask me if that dress makes you look fat ill say i cant live a lie! :D

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
with love-hilary duff :DD

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
listen-beyonce HEY. how true(: listen!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
makes me wonder-maroon five yes. defintiely. makes me wonder why im trying even.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
1985-bowling for soup. er. no link?

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
teardrops on my guitar-taylor swift erm.keep my feelings to myself? no that is not my motto.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
why not-hilary duff i do everything i want? haha!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
he said she said-ashlee tisdale erm? really naggy parents? haha!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
i wont say im in love-disney! WTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTIES?
misery-good charlotte OMGGG! THAT IS NOT TRUE? WHAT A COCKED UP QUIZ

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
hate that i love you-ne yo ft. rihana okay. maybe its not so cocked up.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
say it right-nelly furtado is this all supposed to like have some 'deeper meaning' or whatever?

DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
long way to go-cassie HA. WOW. WHATEVER?

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
what goes around comes around-justin timberlake how omninous.

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
big grils dont cry-fergie what is THAT supposed to mean?? okay. wth. i will not use this song.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
elephant love medley-moulin rouge huh? what on earth??

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
i turn to you-christina aguliera ha! being comforted by people is my hobby(:

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
fergalicious-fergie WTH? FERGIE PHOBIA?

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
keep your hands of my girl-good charlotte HUH?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
last night-p diddy ft. keisha cole goddddd. this is a stupid quiz.

THE TITLE OF THIS POST?
L.O.V.E- ashlee simpson HA! more like W.T.H

okay. that was crappy and like half untrue. except for some. which is uncannily spot on. my god i need maths tuition. whos willing to like tutor me for free?

;je'taime

i qeued for like 45 minutes with nyssha hsuli kaien and yijun today for doughnuts. like 45 stupid minutes we waited. thank god for this very kind uncle who offered to queue for us while we went walking around the supermarket. and so since i was bored..



recipe books! i want a personal chef(:



jam is higher class than skippy peanut butter. grape or no grape. lol.


tea! you can pretend youre like really sophisicated and drink tea! haha!


pastaaaa! i crave italian soda


the doughnut. after queing for so long i only bought one and well. it was really good(:

ANDDDD! just a casual comment(:

ROSES



CHOCOLATES



DESERTS

are all very very welcome if you want to like say sorry and stuff like that to me you know(: in fact i would think its very very sweet and nice and great of you and will forgive you on the spot.

usually.

;je'taime

i feel so accomplished(:
i bought my shorts! haha. and i studied!
but tomorrows going to be a bad day. i can already feel the disappointment im going to feel tomorrow. cos please. you dont keep your promises and if i dont even know THAT by now im probably the worlds biggest fool.
omgggg. do you still not get it! if you dont understand then tell me! ill give you a step by step guide specially made for dummies like you okay. theres so much that is wrong! i wanted so much to say them but oh dear god. if i did what would you think of me? some over emotional bimbo? id rather keep it to myself then. so please stop being an idiot and please care.

pretty picture(:

;je'taime

im feeling better(:

cause i slept well and the weather is extremely fine. i dont feel like murdering anyone anymore too. guess thats a good sign(: i finished both compos today! english and chinese. and i seriously hope theyre not too crappy. and i read a perfectly confusing book too. im still confused.

i feel kind of like a coward now. ignoring it isnt really a brave thing to do. i dont even know if its the right thing to do! oh well. whatever. i dont even know who it is anyway. so i guess it cant matter that much to him since he cant even be bothered to leave his name.

so ya. ill just live with it.

and since i feel like it ill post some pictures(:


my favourite dress(:


me and divya in beginning of 2007 i think(:


totally random(: at pastamanias


jaee!

i miss my long hair. and joycelyn. and the evenings. and the carefreeness of it all. and the times i would look out for you. so silly it seems now but god knows it was the world to me back then. it was all so pretty and i didnt have the sense to realise it. i dont even know what i want! oh this just sucks):

;je'taime

lalallalaa. i cant hear you. go away. im selectively deaf(:

im so dead for the 2 tests today and when i try to even say something about any little detail i get cut off because why? oh maybe cos i AM a little minor detail nobody needs to listen or look at. which is why im selectively deaf right now. an eye for an eye darlings.

i cannot stand it anymore. i have no idea what to do. what combi should i take? pure lit or 3science. 3science is a waste of time but if i take pure lit ill have to take an elect. and i dont like geog and history is always so hard to score. and if i dotn take 3science i wont be able to go home with hsu anymore. which will be such a waste cos we practiclaly go the whole way together. and shes always so funny. insulting my books and stuff(:
and and i dont know what to do. about everything else too. i know i should just miss this bus cos ill probably like die in an accident in it or something and i know i should give up but i cant.
i need someone): oh im not asking for someone. im just saying i need someone:DD

//*Divya*..My knight in shining armour.=) says:Bimbo explanation:Guys are like so bus-fied.So if u like miss one go for the next.like duh.but like sometimes there are some absolutely annoying buses who has no life but to break down half way and like they remain there.so u have no choice but to face them.uh.like buzz off.

oh who the hell are you! i dont know you anymore.

;je'taime

im happy:DDDDDDDDDD
LIT IS OVER. like YAYYYY. buh bye mayella and your screaming fits.
stop being a blind sheep. get a mind.
i passed mathssssssssssssssss!! like take out the champange and the two storey cake! i freaking passed!
its a kind of perfect day(:

;je'taime

mon dieu! its amazing how long it took just to learn how its pronounced. i dont want to do lit drama tomorrow. what a freaking torture. why cant we do something like nicer to act.
Ca m’est égal. now that didnt take long to learn at all.

;je'taime

think whatever you want. im beyond caring. all i wanted was just for you to know. and since that is done. i guess its over. time to get on with everything more important. cos like wth. you dont feel the god dman same way and you should just thank god you dont. cos it hurts.
call me a bimbo.whatever. i cant care anymore.

;je'taime

the next time i go there im staying just long enough to show my face and im going to get the hell out of there. i dont know why i go through it even. guess its just respect. i cant lie! okay. and thats what makes it so hard. 65%. ha. that is not even close to enough. but what the hell. not like i have anything to lose anyway. already lost it about a month and a half ago.

;je'taime

THE COMMANDOS DIDNT JUMP):
what a waste. i wanted to watch that la! but it was a nice parade. poor red guy on skates fell on his butt on national tv. but i still love his skating. haha! ehh wth. why am i even using the computer. come online for nothing anyway. its a total waste of hope.

;je'taime

happy birthday singapore(:

stepping out of the house was the biggest mistake of the evening. i knew it would turn out bad. i knew it. and what the hell did i do. just do it anyway. when will i stop having this extremely childish reaction. and seriously. pissing me off was the biggest mistake 2003 guy could have made. and hes so typical. i could predict the questions he would ask a day before he actually asked them. when will i stop putting myself in embabrassing situations. i told myself that i wouldnt miss the place. but i missed it anyway. just like how i miss my italian soda now): and oh ya. never again huh? ha.

oh congratualtions 2A(:

;je'taime

what am i? a freaking 24/7 entertainment centre? stop taking advantage of me okay. i have no more strength to make you see logic anymore. if you wanna ruin your reputation it is fine with me. ill just feel exhausted. i already threw my book aginst the freaking wall. in public. i do not need to throw something hard/sharp/breakable/dangerous/oh i dont know how about YOU against something like a moving car.

the world has changed since i was 3. we were much closer back then even if it was a total eyesore to look at the clothing. i cant believe we went to the beach for heavens sake. as in all of us. when i was 3. and we had birthday parties. and pictures were taken so often the film probably ran out after 5 minutes. and we used film back then. film. we had so much fun. everybody loved everyone. nobody thought that showing love was extremely over rated and embarassing. the pictures show so much more than real people. any idea how disappointing that is? it seemed you two grew apart after only a year. its an inference. pictorial source. see. how unfeeling it is? im treating it like HOMEWORK. it seemed so sweet. i see myself smiling without a care in the world. but then. i was 3. since when do you have cares when youre 3. but it wasnt just me. it was everyone else. is it the aging process? is it the lack of world peace? is it jealousy? i dont understand. not until today did i realise any of these. maybe i should show all of you these pictures and make you guys remember. remember that youre capable of loving. i want to remember too. i want my childhood back.after looking at the pictures ive come to this conclusion. dear family, family as in every single one, it isnt the same anymore. the tears couldnt stop.

;je'taime

what on earth did I do. like nothing. so i deserve all this just cos im alive? oh wth. have you any idea how much you hurt me. oh i guess not. better get used to the fact that youre not the only one in the world. i dont know why i put up with you. what happened. what made you this way.
the last time i checked, it seemed like you had a heart. so where did it run to.
you. thats it. i finally got the answer when all i wanted was to hear from you when i was crying.

;je'taime