okay. i know i shouldnt be blogging. but im bored. and going crazy.
so.
my heart's starting to hurt again. im so confused. and scared. i cant take my own advice. im so angry. i think im desperate. i could say so many things right now. but honestly im short of time and its too tiring.
i miss you. its really fitting summary for everything im feeling now.
giving you hints isnt working,talking to you isnt either,do i really have to spell it out?
on haitus.bye.

;je'taime

i feel like a total piece of shit.

i want to like er. 'pour out my troubles' ya. something like that. but 'pour out my troubles' sounds so cliched. so ill just say i feel like screaming at somebody. throw something aginst the wall.oh not something. LOTS of things. i want to throw a fit. ya. thats it. I WANT TO THROW A FIT.

i feel like im not good enough. im never going to be good enough. i see the photos and i compare. well duh. i probably look like nothing next to her. shes probably great in studies and has a great character and sings a siren song like a pro. i feel like nothing. its so ironic. i myself feel hopeless and im telling people 'you can do it! believe in yourself!' how absolutely stupid.

maybe for once, it should be about me. maybe for once i should be the one depending on somebody. i feel like a total failure and you still expect me to support you? im only human. and if i try to help and its not appreciated, then i will not help anymore. if you dont know what you want then i will not waste my time giving you ideas which you reject. every. single. one. well you know WHAT. i am sick of feeling hopeless and like a failure. all i want is reassurance and not a model answer.sorry if i sound like a self centred spoilt brat. but i know i deserve the attention that i need right now.if you dont agree youre probably not my friend or related to me at all.hello. i guess since im nothing and youre a materialstic ungentlemanly dumbass bastard you probably think im not good enough. but i dont want goodbye.

;je'taime

WTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. my brain is like working at too fast a speed. very stressful. i want to stop. why cant i stop. i feel like a robot.

i miss you i miss you i miss you): why do you go? i think i feel sad. oh well. dont go. please. tell me whats going on. its stupid being confused. and im so confused):

;je'taime

time goes by like so fast:/
its going to be exams soon
its gonna be christmas time soon
its going to start raining everyday soon
its going to be the last time ill ever be in 2a soon
its going to be the end of school soon
its going to be the longest ive ever missed someone soon.

ah. shit. im so scared for exams. and i still dont know what combination to take. oh well. hopefully itll all come to me.
i miss you.

;je'taime

im so so pathetic. i cant believe it. my godd. ive got no sense at all. my brains must have liek taken a vacation to somewhere far. like antaritica. oh dear god.

;je'taime

deniisha(: random picture

;je'taime

emelia: why do boys suck?
answer: its in their blood.

hello. im numb(:

i havent thrown something at a wall for ages. itching to do it. again(:

;je'taime

went for the Acapella concert last night and only got home at like 12am. seriously the bus interchange is creepy at night. and i walked home by myself in the night. which just goes to show i don't need you. ha.
anyway.
the concert was great(: it was really really amazing. what the human voice can do. and now i totally understand why boy bands have lots of female fans. cos they sing love songs! its really really simple logic actually.
I'm not angry. i really am not. just thoroughly hurt i guess by everything. I'm resigned to it. lala. hurt. oh what do i know anyway. im just another someone in this materialistic world. no sense in trying to deny it anymore(: its time to grow out of disney princess stories. no matter how much i believed in them.
and that. just proves that i am right. and its repeating again. people never learn. not even if you give them history lessons everyday and remind them how terrible the past was. theyll just do whatever they like and destroy laughter peace and joy while theyre at it.

im sorry i guess.

;je'taime

whats the damn point. i still cant do it. my heart still does that annoying flip. it seems like every minute is spent waiting. and in the end its not repaid. oh just get the damn hint already will you.

;je'taime

maybe you should like learn to care about things that do.not.involve.marks. cause maybe they matter more? maybe it makes you a better human being. one that you know CARES? i am so so so angry. and really. ive never felt angrier in my whole entire life. discriminate me. take away my friends. compete with me. demoralise me. backstab me. use me. oh should i be thankful youre paying so much 'attention' to me? maybe im thinking too much or maybe im just being bitchy. but honestly. how long more do you think i can last. one of these days i swear ill just drop dead. all this being used and worked to the limit. i am human in case you havent noticed. with like feelings and limits? im not a superhero. in fact im like an opposite. im just a normal person in a not so normal world with an abnormal amount of sadness in my life.
im a damsel in distress.

;je'taime

when it rains, do you worry if im feeling cold again? when it rains, do you remember all the conversations we had about the rain? when it rains, do you remember me?
okay shit. im being over sensitive again. and you really should learn from those idol dramas. theyre like the manual to being sweet caring and loving.
this is a stupid one week holiday. everything felt right. but something was missing. and it was just a once a wek occurance. and i know it referred to me. i hope so much it doesnt. but i dont lie to myself. self denial gets you nowhere and honestly it hurts. if you want me gone. i guess its fair. considering the amount of trouble i come with. end it? fine by me.

;je'taime