merry christmas everybody(: this is my last post so ya, i've decided to close this blog. whenever i feel like ranting or posting pictures i'll be in lj or deniisha's blog. so you know where to look(: pictures before i leave(:


me and divya(:


me and rasi(:


:D


and after that, divya REALLY punched rasi.

so anyway, it's been a long long time. and i feel the time passing. its been almost 2 months now, and all i can say is some days are better than the rest. oh what the hell. there's nothing left for me there. so byee(:

Be my guest,
rain on my parade,
but I have
the biggest freaking
umbrella you've ever seen

i still hurt

;je'taime

i think im gonna close this blog and join emelia in lj(: and i shall use deniisha's blog also occasionally! haha. easier to keep in touch like that(: ill be a vagabond and wander around. and this blog has caused me alot of trouble before. i dont even know why i still have it. its a freaking wonder really. sooo. deniisha! dont you dare be angry! i cant believe you thought like that laa. but maybe its my fault too. i dont know. but whatever it is i have a post dedicated to you here(:

Deniisha!

oh my god. its been 8 years. we werent together all of these 8 years but i've grown into a habit of always translating chinese for you and being a sarcastic piece of bitch whenever i complain to you. it has to be hard i guess and this friendship is seriously what i consider to be like the classic 'weathered lots and lots of storms, bitching and insanity' type of friendship. i feel guilty towards you too. primary school wasnt exactly happy land for you and i had a part to play in it. but thats a whole other story which i am not going into on the internet. so sorry. i wish i could say i wish i didnt do all the mean stuff i did then but then, if those fights didnt happen, this friendship wouldnt have happened too. so no way am i gonna say i wish we didnt fight. youre like an emotional disaster what with all the quotes and the thinking and the crying, but i guess thats what makes you so nice to talk to and easy to spill guts out to(: its a comfort just to know youre there. here. whatever. ahah. i know you and you know me. this type of trust doesnt come easy to you nor to me so i guess all thats left to say is treasure me like i treasure you! i love you!



"I couldn't tell you why we are best friends, because you wouldn't understand. The explanation is full of too many inside jokes & made up words; it's full of too much care & too many tears,too many laughs & too many blonde moments.I don't think I will ever be able to give you a better reason, except she's always been there"

HA GOT IT FROM YOUR BLOG DENIISHA:D







okay dont be jealous. i dont just dedicate posts to random people okay. only to emelia and deniisha. be honoured you two:D anyway, i love all my friends, just know that i cant write for everyone(: am really sorry im not super woman but hey. thats life(:

;je'taime

okay. this is old news but i still need to say it.

life is unfair.

its a fact. im not sulky over it, im not going into full revenge mode and im not going to start bawling over the unfairness of it all. im going to accept it(: or at least try to keep my comments to myself. i talk too much anyway.

soooo. went out with deniisha today(: went to the museum! hahaha! then we went to the beach. and i look ugly today. and the pictures are posted at deniisha's blog already so im not posting all(: going out 3 days in a row is making me tired. this is like the last time im doing last minute chirstmas shopping. the stress is killing me. and omgg. deniisha said the thing she wanted to buy for me is not there anymore. which is freaking sad cos i wanted it so bad. but it doesnt matter(: ill still love christmas:D


one picture(:

;je'taime

went out with emelia today(: everytime i go out with her she threatens to faint. either her blood pressure belongs to a zombie or i make her light headed cos i talk too much. either way, it's probably not good for her to faint.

insult me all you want but leave my friends alone. this isnt a warning. its a direct order.

sorry emelia, meant to be discreet but i dont think i can be when it comes down to this. i cant say i like being discreet either(: its the mature thing to do sure, but i dont feel very mature right now.

;je'taime

has anybody else realised its only 3 more freaking weeks to school reopening? whatever happened to the holiday? i feel as exhausted as i was before. and i feel even sadder if thats possible. new class, new classmates, new teachers, new everything and honestly, i dont really like new. okay. i have no idea where all the time has gone to, but i really wish it would run back. i talked to emelia on the phone a few days back and well. it was truthful(: i love you emelia(: and deniisha. i talked to her a few days back too. it was quiet and understanding(: i love you deniisha(: i learnt alot though this year. i learnt that i was self absorbed and annoying. i learnt that its dangerous to let yourself wallow in self pity. i learnt that i loved once. and probably still do. i learnt to treasure my friends. i learnt to be contented with what i have and not let ugly feelings get through me. i learnt that im not perfect and im still learning about myself. time took away so many of the things i liked, loved, but it gave me too. all these that i've learnt help me grow i guess. so even if time does take away, it gives back too. so maybe i'll be comforted by that thought.
eventhough i know because of the whole experience, my future will hurt, i want to live in the moment again. to experience pure joy again. even if it hurts this much later on, well i guess its worth it. i have so much to say. so, so much. you'll never know how sorry i am unless you talk to me. im just so sorry. i want you to know and i want to know too. okay i dont make any sense, but then, when did i ever make sense when im talking to you?

;je'taime

honey, im home(:

bangkok was tiring and dangerous. but the shopping is nice i guess. but it was mentally and physically exhausting. i think i need therapy. or at least someone to rant too, but deniisha and emelia are not home. or id take a cup of coffee. maybe two. i feel so useless. disposable. not needed. you know. i may not seem like someone who needs people to assure her verbally that they need her or they love her. but god. im not what i seem like. i dont know why im saying all these. maybe its the sleepless nights. maybe its the pain. maybe its the coffee. maybe im going insane. all the shopping. well hell. if i knew what was wrong i wouldnt be typing this. i would be fixing the damn problem. i know im babbling and i hate it when i babble. but its been 4 days away from talking like myself and im desperate. you know life sucks when your family doesnt know you and doesnt like you being you.

;je'taime

im leaving tomorrowwww. hais. i miss emelia.


And when they got married and decided to have one of their own,
She said "Be honest, tell me what do you want?"
And he said "Honey, you oughta know...
Sweet, little, beautiful... one just like you.
Oh a beautiful, wonderful, perfect All-American"

so sweeeeeet:D

;je'taime

i don't mean to brag but i got 98/100 for singing! ha. well it was like a mike thingy which rated you? it was cocked up but hey. when you're me you need all the cheap thrills you can get. anyway, it all happened in deniisha's house which was where i was the whole afternoon today(: she had brownies with ice cream and i was so happy because brownies=chocolates=dopamine release(: well that's caffeine but chocolate does the same thing for me. and when you add in ice cream its nirvana. pure pleasure. okay. whatever. bet all of you know brownie and ice cream anyway.

sooo. I'm leaving on friday and i haven't even started thinking about what I'm going to bring. i don't even know which luggage I'm bringing. you know, if i were younger, i would romanticize this whole trip and go. 'oh I'm leaving this town, leaving all my hurt and memories behind.' and stare out the damn airplane window like I'm an actress in a bad b list movie. but hey. you know what. i am through romanticizing every single thing. not only is it embarrassing, it hurts cause its not real. and from now on, I'm on a strict reality only diet. it hurts but god. what doesn't hurt. even brownies and ice cream make you fat. so see? everything hurts. when doctors go this wont hurt abit they probably mean this will hurt so much you'd wished you skipped life and gone straight to death.

oh and one more thing. i absolutely abhor people who
1.answer questions with questions.(like wth? how about answer first, ask later? i'm not an international spy out to sabotage the country. i'm 14 for god's sake!)
2.throw a tantrum when you ask a question. and don't answer the question in the end.(like don't go through all the trouble of screaming in anger if you're not going to answer the bloody question)
3.don't answer the god damn question. (this is the worst. i hate it when people ignore me. makes me want to shout in their ears HEY. REMEMBER ME. IM STANDING RIGHT HERE. AND I AM ASKING YOU A QUESTION. SO IF YOU WOULD JUST FIND YOUR MISSING MANNERS MAYBE YOU COULD ANSWER ME?)

well whadaya know. this is the longest post of probably these two months. and not even a mention of that. or it. whatever. im just looking for something to do to put off packing. have i meantion i really hate packing? well not really. just hate packing for family holidays. okay. digressing here. so yes. i guess im over it. bring out the champagne(:

;je'taime

emelia left today. for brisbane. mannnn. ill be so bored from now till friday. then ill be leaving for bangkok myself(: hahaha. shes on the plane now. i love night flights. dont you?

my legs ache.

oh baby, don't cry.

;je'taime