im trying so god damn hard i think ill die.

anyway, went to white sands with divya today. i swear today will be the last time i ever step in there again. i have been spending waaaaaay to much time in that small excuse of a shopping mall. but today was so fun! haha. finally got to talk to divya so ya. thats why the wounds opened up again and thats the reason for the very first sentence of this post.

so anyway, we were just meeting for lunch but it got into a shopping trip and library visit type of thingey. throw in a swing and a walk home and lots of uh. talking(: and youve got the perfect remedy for a broken heart(: oh yes, not forgetting the ever important best friend(: and if the lunch is high in salt, fats and sugar, youll be extremely contented. even if only for a while. i love the swing. ive decided. if i ever go to white sands again. i will walk home and stop by that swing. every god damn time(: its great excercise anyway. thank you divya(: honestly, nobody has really bothered to talk to me that seriously yet. even if it was only for 10 mintues. i hope it will get better. anyway. i have to learn to stop asking so much right.

i should have NEVER went into that stupid page and got my heart all torn up all over again. ive kept all the pictures that used to litter my table all faced down, ive tried my best to forget, ive done everything to keep those stupid memories as far away as possible. but NOOOO. i just had to sastify my curiousity and look. well at least something good came out of it. i hope you suffer the same fate as your little friends back then. im mean. fine. who the hell can still be nice after what ive gone through? if you can then you can go be the next santa clause for all i care. ive been nice so much already. ive never noticed how much ive given. not till now at least. ha. whats the use. nothings going to bring them back anyway.

;je'taime