i have to go out tomorrow. i really just want to stay at home and sulk. but since i have 'duties' to do, i have no choice.

and please do not do stuff just because you 'want me to be happy' like oh wth. youre just pitying me. and i know i am pathetic but you do not have to rub it in my face. makes me feel like a damn spoilt rich brat who wants everything. and i am not that. so do not think that youre being nice. because this is far from nice damn it. its just plain mean. i guess i would have appreciated it if this were long ago. but now, i just feel resigned. i really believe this is it. that i can finally let go. im not being dramatic or whatever. its just the truth. so i guess everyone is happy now. im finally listening to all your advices. ha. not like i have a choice is it. i just wish there was a chance to just clear everything. it would help my heart which is still in denial. but im not. nope. not me. im totally in control now. im totally washing my hands of this thing which i have foolishly dragged on for no reason whatsoever. it seems fitting that the last conversation was about not being emotional. well. guess im a fast learner. i wont feel a thing. i promise. no emotions. at all.

writing is really satisfying(: i hope deniisha hurries and finishes her part.

i.will.not.cry.

;je'taime